Faith (Soul Savers Book 7) Page 6

  “No!” I tried to scream as the visions cycled back to the start, but the noise that came out sounded like a toad’s croak.

  “Alexis, it’s us.” Mom’s voice carried over a great distance, and I shook my head and squeezed my eyes closed because I couldn’t stand to watch her die one more time. But even then, I saw it, the memory playing on the backs of my lids. I’d never escape the horrors of that night. “Alexis! Calm down!”

  Something sharp hit my face. No, not sharp, but it left a sting. I lifted my hand to my cheek and peeled opened my eyelids. Mom’s and Rina’s faces hovered in front of me, looking as beautiful as ever. And their wings …

  Winged beasts …

  Fiery monsters …

  “Alexis!”

  I blinked.

  Right. Not in Hell anymore. Then I bolted upright from whatever I lay on. I have to save Tristan. And Dorian! Is he still okay? Is he still with Noah? I have to stop him! My mouth opened to say all of this, but my voice failed me. My tongue felt too large for my mouth, as though it had suddenly become a snake …

  Mom placed a hand on my arm, but it wasn’t a hand. A claw, with red and orange marbled skin and black, pointy tips. I jerked my arm away and stared at her without seeing her. Satan’s face was before me instead. I recoiled and blinked. Mom’s face returned. Her mouth moved as she spoke, but all I heard were the desperate wails and howls of the souls in Hell. They filled my ears, my mind, blocking everything else out, the weight of them pressing on my mind, my heart, my soul.

  Vises tightened around my arms, my body shook, and my neck whiplashed. Hell disappeared again, and my gaze bounced around wildly finding nothing, although I sensed Mom’s and Rina’s presence. I couldn’t face them, though. I couldn’t watch their deaths for the millionth time. No. Can’t see them like that again. I looked everywhere but at them.

  “Honey …”

  My head twitched at the patronizing voice that grated over my nerves. Something wasn’t right. I wasn’t right. I sprang off the bed and searched around for … I didn’t know what. There was nothing here. Nothing but whiteness, a thick vapor surrounding us. My hands clasped over my head; my fingers dug into my hair. Think, Alexis! Where are you? What are you doing? Right. Okay. I was by Heaven’s Gates again. Right? And if so, beyond that fog was Heaven in one direction and the Otherworld—the common part where Angels and Demons fought—in the other. And beyond that, Hell. I needed to go back there. I didn’t want to go back there. No, please, no. Don’t make me. I clutched at my head, trying to block the memories before they came.

  But Tristan … he was still down there.

  My head snapped up. My voice found itself.

  “I need to go to Hell,” I announced.

  “Alexis, darling—” Rina began. Again with the lofty tone. I was so sick of their condescension.

  I held my hand up, refusing to look at her. More because I was afraid to see the memory of her death again than to show my contempt. “I need to save Tristan.”

  “Honey, there’s nothing we can do,” Mom said.

  “We can go after him!” I spun on them, momentarily forgetting the horror I would see. Blood poured out of a bullet wound in Mom’s head. I didn’t bother shutting my eyes this time. I’d still see it—Satan would mess with my mind forever. So I dropped my gaze, staring at the floor and the ends of her wings that lay on it. “Call for the Angel. He can go back and help Tristan.”

  “Tristan already has an Angel, yes?” Rina said.

  “Only one. That’s not enough. Not with the …” The horrors. Oh, God, the horrors.

  The screams, the shouts, the cries for help. I couldn’t help them. I couldn’t help the souls down there. Just like I couldn’t help Solomon or Mom or Rina or those children in the train car.

  Screaming filled my ears. My own. A hand pressed on my forehead, and darkness relieved me.

  But not for long.

  I dreamt of monsters with horned heads and spiked tails, and snakes trying to swallow me whole, and ice and fire, and people shrieking, and people dying … people I knew. People I loved. Lilith, Mom, Rina, Solomon, the kid in London who’d gone and had himself infected thinking I could convert him, Sheree, Owen, Vanessa, Blossom, Jax, Charlotte … my sweet Dorian, oh God, my Dorian … and Tristan. I awoke breathless. But I hadn’t been sleeping, and I hadn’t been dreaming. Not really. Just reliving memories. Except, not all had been experienced. Yet. At least, as far as I knew, not all were dead. Not Dorian or Tristan, anyway. But it was only a matter of time for either of them. Especially for their souls.

  Because I’d failed them. I had to fix that. I could save them.

  I looked around. More white nothingness. The air tasted and smelled clean and fresh. The bedding under me was soft and silky to the touch. I wasn’t in Hell, but I wasn’t in Heaven, either.

  And I wasn’t alone.

  Movement above me. Mom and Rina—the Angel versions, not the bloody ones—hovered, looking down on me.

  “Did he bring Tristan back? Did you send the Angel?” I asked.

  “I’m sorry, honey.” The endearment set my teeth on edge. “There was an Angel with him. No one else can be spared from the war. We need all of the warriors we have to fight the Demons.”

  “Well, there are plenty of Demons down there to fight.” Anger boiled up in me, and I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and jumped to my feet with restless energy.

  “That is their home,” Rina said. “And one Angel is enough if Tristan truly wants out. It is up to him.”

  “Like it was up to me to go down there?” I sneered. “The Angel told me I didn’t belong here. Pushed me down there.”

  “You don’t belong here,” Mom said.

  Panic momentarily clawed at my insides with her words, and for a moment, I thought I’d be shoved away down to Hell again. But I forced myself to keep control, to not let the living nightmare overcome me. I needed to focus. On Tristan, who was still in Hell. On Dorian … Another thought occurred to me, wrapping me so tightly in terror, I thought my ribs would crack. Dorian!

  If I didn’t stop Dorian, Satan would eventually take my son’s soul, too. My sweet, little boy, young and innocent, would be trapped in the fiery depths of Hell, hiding his fear behind a mask of courage in his hazel eyes. I could already hear him screaming for me in my mind. Mom! And I tried to yell back that I was coming, but I couldn’t move. Couldn’t breathe.

  I suddenly lay flat on my back. My back with no wings. At least I didn’t have to worry about those any longer. The Angels must have realized they’d made a mistake giving them to me.

  “Focus on love.” Mom’s voice sounded normal, soft, not grating, in my ear. Her hand stroked lightly up and down my arm. “You can make everything go away if you let love replace it. Let the light of love push the darkness away.”

  I closed my eyes and tried to picture my two boys and me with love surrounding us, not Hell. I saw us on the beach of Amadis Island the day Tristan and Dorian had first met, my tow-headed little man running with abandon for his father’s arms. I watched another moment on the beach as the three of us fell into the sand together and Sasha bounced around us, barking and darting in for sniper-licks. I brought back other memories—Tristan and I making dinner while Dorian did schoolwork at the table, the three of us practicing Aikido, our family snuggled up and reading in bed. Back when the world had been normal. At least, closer to normal than it was now.

  “Save them from Hell,” I murmured sleepily. “Bring them here, too.”

  “This place is not for them.”

  “You said that about me, yet here I am.”

  “You are here so the Angels may give you what you need.” Rina’s voice floated from the end of the bed, by my feet.

  I tried to comprehend her meaning, but my mind was slipping away. Warmth spread across my skin and into my flesh. Calming. Peaceful. My breathing came easier … slower … Until I passed out.

  I didn’t know how long I dozed, but whatever the length, it must ha
ve been needed because I felt much better, much stronger, much clearer when I woke. I glanced around and found myself completely alone in the foggy space of Heaven’s lobby. But not for long. Mom and Rina instantly appeared.

  I scowled and pulled my arms tight to my chest with the way they looked at me. Pity? Or was that loathing? Maybe a mixture of both. I turned away, needing to keep my distance from them before they peered too closely. Before they saw the ugly, dark stains on my heart, on my soul—the blemishes left by Satan and Hell … shadows of the lives I’d taken.

  Not that they didn’t have their own faults, with their lies and their secrets and their insufferable, holier-than-thou attitudes. Funny how they stared with repugnance at my darkness created by everything I’d been through, but they were the ones who’d changed for the worse since ascending.

  “I assume Tristan and Dorian aren’t here.” My tone came out harsh as I threw up a defensive wall.

  “No.” The whisper was so quiet, I didn’t know who said it. It didn’t matter.

  “How do I get them then?” I sat up and looked at them expectantly. “If the Angels won’t help, I’ll get Tristan myself, and then together we can stop Dorian.”

  Rina’s hand went to her throat. “You cannot return to Hell!”

  I glared at her. “But it was okay to go the first time?”

  She blinked, probably appalled by my tone. Or maybe by the accusation. I didn’t didn’t know and didn’t care. “No.”

  “But you sent me there anyway.”

  “That was not our intention.”

  I lifted a brow.

  Mom hurriedly piped in. “When we said before that you don’t belong here, we didn’t mean you belong in Hell. The Angel didn’t mean it either.”

  “You do not belong in Heaven, nor in Hell,” Rina added. “None of you do. You do not belong in the Otherworld at all. You belong on Earth.”

  I lifted my chin. “Are you saying that’s where Tristan is? Or is he still in Hell?”

  Their silence, as usual, was my answer. Unbelievable.

  “So why do you care if I return, if it’s okay to leave him there?” I stood up to be at their height and pointed at my grandmother. “You, Rina, swore more than anyone that Tristan was one of us. You of all people know he doesn’t belong there.”

  “It only matters what he believes, and if he believes that, he will return.”

  “Unless he needs a little help from me.” How many times had the evil monster inside him tried to take over and I’d helped him overcome it? Our love had beaten it. What if that was all he needed now? I grasped at the leather collar of the black fighting corset I wore, slipped my hand under it to press against the stone embedded over my heart, hoping he could feel me. It warmed at my touch, but that did nothing to calm me. The physical feeling wasn’t even real. “He went down there for me! I may as well have killed him, and now he’ll lose his soul. And I’m not supposed to do anything about it? About Dorian? What the hell am I supposed to do?”

  “You can pray for them,” Rina suggested.

  “Ha!” I barked, and I kicked my foot, but no satisfying thud came from kicking fog. “Can’t you just stop the fighting in the Otherworld? Defeat the Demons once and for all so Tristan can leave? Then we can go to Earth, where you say we belong, and be with our son. There must be a way to end this!”

  Cassandra suddenly appeared, as though she’d been listening all along. She floated above us, looking as much like a warrior Angel as any of the others, although she’d told me that she, Mom, and Rina were at the lowest level. The chestnut waves of her hair fluttered in a breeze, and her pearlescent wings opened wide to the side.

  “There is a way, Alexis,” she said, “a way to save Earth and the souls that remain.”

  “How?” I demanded. “How do we stop everything? And please don’t say I’ll do it, because we know how well that worked out last time. I can’t be the cause of any more deaths.”

  “But you can be the cause of many lives,” she said. “You may not want to hear it, but it is the truth. You can stop this war.”

  And here we go again. She was right. I didn’t want to hear it. I blew out a sigh, trying with difficulty to hold on to my temper as Lucas’s words echoed in my mind, along with everything I knew about the Bible and the Book of Revelation.

  “So let me get this straight.” I thought out loud as I crossed my arms over my chest and popped my hip out. “God sent His four horsemen to Earth, brought on the apocalypse, took His own quarter of the population, allowed Lucas to rise as the Antichrist, and Satan to take over Earth, and I’m the one who’s supposed to put a stop to it? Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that supposed to be Jesus’s big gig?”

  “Alexis, that is not the apocalypse,” Mom ground out between clenched teeth.

  I snorted. Hadn’t she seen the loss of life that I had?

  “This has not been God’s doing,” Rina clarified.

  “It is not time yet for God to bring the end of the world,” Cassandra added. “There are many souls that can be saved.”

  “Oh, really?” I rolled my eyes. “So you’re trying to tell me I didn’t personally witness and experience Conquest, War, Famine, and Death? That Lucas himself isn’t the Antichrist trying to raise Satan from Hell? I know that isn’t true. Lucas told me that was his plan. Satan himself told me he was coming soon.”

  Mom cringed at the mention of Satan talking to me. “Lucas has done all of this. He is arrogant and prideful. Power-hungry and aggressive. He brought on everything that you see as the four horsemen, turning Earth into a place that would welcome Satan. Maybe he does believe himself to be the Antichrist, and I’m so sorry for that, honey. I’m so sorry that you’re in this position.”

  “Sorry?” I parroted. “You’re sorry? You knew it was coming, and you couldn’t be bothered to warn me! Maybe God didn’t do this, but He certainly allowed it to happen.”

  “He’s always allowed humans free will,” Cassandra replied, her voice reflecting my fervor. “He’s allowed the humans to choose their paths, and recently, the majority chose to walk away and follow their own desires. When dark times came, they chose to follow Lucas and evil. They did this to themselves and to Earth, and so yes, they must suffer the consequences of their choices.”

  “But it’s Lucas who has taken it upon himself to start the apocalypse,” Mom said. “He must be stopped before it’s too late.”

  “Then stop him! He’s opened the veil for the Demons to enter Earth. Why can’t the Angels enter? Why rely on me when a few Angels could go in and finish it for good?”

  Cassandra came to stand in front of me, her eyes soft even as I glared at her. “Because God’s plan goes beyond simply stopping Lucas. We don't know it all—each part is revealed to us when appropriate—but we do know the Angels are preparing for so much more. And you are part of that plan. You were chosen to do this before I even started the Amadis, Alexis. This has always been your true purpose.”

  And I couldn’t help it. I laughed in her face.

  Chapter 5

  I couldn’t believe we were having this argument. I couldn’t believe she’d just said that. The word had become so jaded to me. In fact, all of this had. I was done with it, with them and their inane talk. Since they weren’t going to do anything about either my husband or my son, I would have to do it on my own. Which first meant getting out of Heaven’s yard.

  I started walking, not knowing which direction I needed to go in, but not caring. I just needed to get out of here. The white haze separated for me, only to reveal a new space of expanded nothingness.

  “Where are you going?” Mom asked. All three of them followed me.

  “How do I get back to Earth?”

  “You are ready?” Cassandra asked, seemingly taken aback.

  “Yes. More than ready.”

  She caught up to me, and then eyed me, as though she didn’t quite buy it. “You will serve your purpose, then?”

  I blew out a harsh breath and my strides
grew longer and harder as anger stewed within me. Nearly exploded as I recalled Satan’s words.

  “My purpose?” I spat as I spun on her. “Is that anything like Dorian’s? Is it true that the only reason he was put on Earth was to sacrifice himself to the Daemoni?”

  Cassandra pursed her lips. “Dorian is doing what he’s supposed to do.”

  My eyes narrowed. “So Satan doesn’t always lie, does he? And now Dorian’s giving himself over for no reason at all.”

  “Honey, he’s doing exactly what he needs to do,” Mom said.

  “And why is that? Why him? Because his soul’s not as valuable as the Summoned brothers’?” I snarled. “Do you all have some secret way of deciding whose soul is worth more than others? Is that something I get to learn later, or just another blind you’ll keep over my eyes?”

  “Alexis, what do you mean?” Mom demanded.

  “Dorian’s purpose! Sacrificing himself to break the curse on the Summoned so they’ll come to the Amadis side.”

  “His purpose is much bigger than that,” Cassandra said. “We do not know if he will break the curse.”

  “Of course he won’t! But you’ll let him hand himself over to the Daemoni anyway and lose his soul. Spectacular.”

  “To serve his purpose, he must go to the Daemoni,” Cassandra confirmed. “But Alexis, you must remember that his soul is like anybody else’s—its fate is in his control. Only his. Just because he goes to the Daemoni does not mean he will lose his soul. He must make the specific choice in the end.”

  My mind faltered with this information, my feet nearly stumbling, too. Why had I never considered this? All of those times everyone spoke of Dorian going to the Daemoni, I’d automatically feared not only for his life, but even more for his soul. I just knew that meant he’d lose it immediately, that he’d automatically belong to Satan and be damned for an eternity. Yet, I’d felt the hope in Noah’s soul when he’d been with us, and hadn’t he made that same decision? If it hadn’t been for the curse, I was sure he would have converted. Which meant that if Dorian made it to Lucas before Tristan and I could get to him, he wasn’t completely lost to us.